Dean Vs Vera
by PoeticJustice84
Summary: In the second installment of this series, Dean battles his own demons and a meddling therapist named Vera. Will contain discussion of past child abuse. Be warned!
1. Chapter 1

**Dean V. Vera **

**Chap. 1**

John sat gazing at his oldest son. In sleep the kid looked so fucking innocent. So vulnerable. At least the sleep he was getting now was peaceful. Dean was still pale and much too thin, but that would change. He was eating now, even it was just small meals, it was something. God, how had he missed this? Hunting forced him to be overly observant, yet he had missed some creep abusing his son. He would never forgive himself for that. Would Dean?

"Dad?"

Looking up he noticed his baby standing in the doorway, two cups of hot coffee in his hands. Standing he grabbed one cup and scooted over on the sofa to make room for Sam.

"I guess Bobby told you about Vera?"

"Yeah. Although, I gotta tell you, I'm not real sure about her."

"Bobby trusts her."

"That is the only reason she's getting near your brother. I know Bobby would never put either of you in danger. He and I don't always see eye to eye but he always wants the best for you two."

"Well, I should go…"

"Sam sit down. We need to talk."

Bobby showed Vera into the kitchen and handed her a cup of holy water laced coffee. No one was getting near Sam and Dean until they received the Bobby Singer seal of approval.

"So, Bobby, now that I've passed your tests do I get to hear about this kid you seem so found of?"

"Have a seat. Let me get Sam and John. Dean's sleeping and for once it hasn't been interrupted so he's staying that way as long as he can."

Vera stifled a laugh as he disappeared up the stairs. Gruff Bobby Singer being this protective over someone was a sight. These kids must be something special to bring out the papa bear in the older hunter. Usually he didn't cash in favors unless it was something he needed for hunting. This was not at all like him.

Hearing footsteps, she turned and saw a floppy haired giant of a kid leading the pack. Just behind him, a scruffy dark brooding fellow.

"You must be Sam and John. Bobby has told me a little about you."

"Not too much I hope."

"Relax, John, I'm a hunter also. And believe it or not, I have heard your name mentioned once or twice. Yours too Sam. Though I have to say, the most impressive story I've heard was about Dean. Taking on a whole pack a werewolves on his own last year."

John paled as he sat. Dean had assured him that that little tale was just that.

"Dean told me that it was just a story."

Vera had no doubts about what John's oldest son had accomplished. It was dangerous and stupid, but the kid had pulled it off.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to ask him won't we? Now though, I want to speak with all of you. You three are the people closest to Dean so I want your impressions and opinions. And for God's sake be honest! I can't help Dean unless I know what I'm dealing with. So let's get started. I want your opinions of Dean. Sam you start.

Vera flicked on the recorder and took up a pen and began to write. The notes would help her later when she talked with Dean.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chap. 2**

Those damn green eyes could see right through her. She was certain of that. How the hell did he do that? She was the one that had gone through years of school to be able to do that.

"So Bobby tells me he's known you since you were what four? Five?"

"It's all in your notes. You tell me about myself and I'll just correct the parts that are untrue."

Vera knew from the get go that this kid would not be at all cooperative. Hunters rarely were when it came to emotions and such. They tended to bury whatever they were feeling and forget it existed. Dean Winchester had been doing that since he was in kindergarten.

"Fine. Sam tells me you work all the time and very rarely take time to relax."

"The job really doesn't allow for rest and relaxation. You know that."

"Bobby says you're really good with electronics."

"I know how to play with a TV remote if that's what he meant."

"John said you are one of the most observant people he's ever met."

"Kinda comes with the job. You're either ready for the hunt and anything that could happen or you die. I wasn't gonna let that happen to Sam."

"Dean tell me the best thing about yourself."

"My devilish good looks."

The twinkle in those all seeing eyes made her laugh. She wondered what Dean's personality would have been had he not been forced into this life. Already he was a force of nature, surely with a little encouragement and support the kid would have been out of this world. According to Bobby Dean Winchester was the most intelligent person he had ever met. Talking with Sam and John, she realized that Dean was stronger than either of them would ever be. Getting Dean to see that though would be something. His self-confidence was shot. Several factors converged to make that happen. She needed to explore each one individually first.

"So other than your stunning good looks, what else would you consider good about yourself?"

"Does any of this really matter?"

"It matters to me. So tell me five good things about yourself."

"You mean other than the stunning good looks?"

"Other than the stunning good looks."

"Well, I…um. Okay, Sam. He's intelligent and kind and he's a great hunter."

"I said five things about yourself."

"Sam is a part of me. I raised the kid."

Vera knew from talking with the other Winchesters and Bobby that that was true. Dean had been more of a parent to Sam than John had ever thought about being. Moreover, he had done an incredible job being just a kid himself.

"Okay, I'll give you that one. Four more."

"Dad. He was able to become the hunter he is because he had me to take care of Sam. I can't imagine the lives he's saved because he didn't have to worry about us."

"That it?"

"That's it. That's all I got."

Vera glanced at her notes to hide the sadness in her eyes. Not once had Dean mentioned anything about himself. Well, his stunning good looks aside. She gathered that for Dean his self worth was all wrapped up in Sam. He measured his value by how Sam turned out. If Sam was happy and safe, Dean was content.

"What do you want to talk about Dean?"

"Silence is a great thing sometimes. Talking is way overrated."

"Is that why you never said anything about being abused?"

The sharp intake of breath alerted her that maybe this topic was still an unwelcome conversation. She watched silently as Dean stood and bolted out the back door, only stopping to grab a beer from the fridge.

"Well, that went well!"

Bobby elbowed John as he caught sight of Dean guzzling the beer.

"Bobby I'm really not sure about the whole Vera thing. Maybe forgetting is better for him."

"So he can have nightmares about this for the rest of his life? So he can continue to think that sacrificing himself for you and Sam is okay? Here, it's almost freezing out here and he doesn't even have on his coat."

John took the offered jacket and made his way to Dean. Draping the jacket over his son's still thin shoulders, John sat beside him."

"Thanks. I left mine on the rack in the living room."

"Usually when you storm out a coat really isn't the first thing on your mind."

"I should find Sam."

"Sam's fine. He's in the library reading God only knows what. Why don't you tell me why you stormed out on Vera?"

"I just got tired of answering stupid questions. My life is _my _life. She doesn't need to know anything about it."

"She's just trying to help son."

"I don't need her help. I'm fine."

"Oh, clearly."

Dean didn't miss his father's sarcastic tone. That sarcasm was just one more thing he had inherited from the man.

"You never needed any help."

John snorted his laughter as he glanced at the now empty beer bottle in his son's hand. Drinking like a fish wasn't helping Dean at all.

"I was never in your situation, either."

"No, what you went through was worse. You lost your wife. I didn't lose anything."

"Just your innocence, your trust, and your faith in me to actually give a damn. But that's all just fine isn't it because you did it to protect Sam."

"You said take care of Sam. So I did. I really didn't think anything else mattered. Sam was safe."

"At what point did you decide that you no longer mattered, Son?"

A shiver was the only response he received. Standing and pulling Dean with him, John ushered them into the house and onto the couch. Grabbing a blanket, he wrapped the kid up like a Christmas present.

"This conversation is not over. I'm going to get coffee; it'll help warm you up. Do not move!"

"Yes sir."

The BLT and coffee hit the spot. Too bad the coffee didn't do its job. After finishing the lunch his eyes started to droop. Why was he always so tired? Maybe just a short nap would be alright.

John squirmed to reach the coffee on the table beside the couch. He didn't want to move too much. With Dean's head on his thigh, too much movement would wake the boy.

"Well isn't that just adorable."

"Bobby shut and hand me the damn coffee."

Bobby chuckled and lifted the mug to his friend.

"Thanks, Bobby. I didn't want to wake him."

"How long's it been since either of them fell asleep like that?"

"Sam did it until he was oh… eighteen or so. He would probably do it now if he thought about it."

Both laughed at the thought of Sam, the giant sprawled out on John asleep.

"Dean though, he hasn't done this since before the fire. I didn't realize that until he fell asleep. Bobby what have I done to my son?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow! Time really got away from me. Real life got in the way, I guess. Everything seems back on track now though. So on with the story. I just hope my loyal readers haven't given up on my stories.**

**Chap.3**

Vera glanced at the man beside her before she spoke. He was really nothing like the man Sam had described to her just a few short hours ago. This wasn't the tough no nonsense hunter/drill sergeant she thought she would find. Sitting before her was a man aged by too much guilt and even more booze. This man wasn't the demanding task master Sam Winchester had insisted was his father. This man hurting.

"Dean tells me you're quite the hunter. Says he learned most of what he knows from either you or Bobby."

"Dean's better than either of us will ever be. He just can't see it himself. That's my fault. I know that. I let hunting and my own obsession take away any hope he ever had."

"Dean thinks this whole mess is entirely his fault. I get the feeling he takes the blame for a great many things, most of them out of his control. Am I wrong?"

"Dean has always been so eager to please people. I took advantage of that and now I'm paying for it. So is he. None of this is Dean's fault. It's all on me. It always has been."

"Sam and Dean both seem to think you've been possessed by something. They've expressed concern several times that maybe something is going on with you. They say you're not the man they remember.

"They're right. I'm not the man I used to be. The man I used to be set my kids up for a life of heartache. The man I used to be left a four year old to raise his baby brother."

"So what changed?"

"I worked a haunting for this guy. Two sons. Great kids. Lost his wife to cancer years ago. Raised his kids by himself. He always seemed to have time for them no matter what. Fostered whatever interest they had. Those two kids knew he cared. Both of them."

"So that got you thinking about Sam and Dean?"

"I realized I don't even know my kids. When Bobby called I was just depressed enough to drive up. My family is a mess. We have been for years. It's just taken me this long to realize that Dean can't hold it all together by himself."

"You need to talk to the boys. They don't understand this. Dean especially. You've never dropped a hunt for him. He's going to feel guilty because you left a job to be with him. Dean already carries so much, don't let him carry this too."

John sipped his beer as he watched her slip back into the house. She was right, he had talk to his boys. Soon. Dean should have never had to deal with this shit alone. John was determined that from now on he wouldn't have to. He was going to be the father he should have been all those years ago. He just prayed to a God he hadn't prayed to in years that it wasn't too late.

**I know this is a short chapter, but at least I'm posting again. There will be more to come. As always reviews are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: These Characters Do Not Belong To Me. This story is a work of fiction. I am simply borrowing some of my favorite characters. **


	4. Chapter 4

**So, I'm officially back in the game. Here goes another chapter.**

Bobby watched the kid for several minutes before he decided to intervene. The training was rigorous, not at all conducive to someone trying to recover from head cold, let alone the injuries Dean had been nursing. If Bobby had to hazard a guess, though, he'd say that this training session was about punishment. Dean Winchester was punishing himself for the trouble he thought he had caused. The key word in that being _thought._ Dean was of course the only one around who thought this whole mess was even remotely his fault. Bobby himself knew full well that this little pickle couldn't be laid at Dean's feet. Larry Sway and one John Winchester could take the blame for this clusterfuck.

"Don't you think you should take a break for a while? You're still not 100%."

"I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine, I'm out of shape but other than that, I'm good."

"Sure you are."

"Bobby don't start. Just leave this alone, please?"

"I can't. You're not ok. I don't think you ever have been. It's alright to vulnerable now, son."

"I'm not vulnerable. I'm…"

"You're what, kid?"

"I don't know what I am. I'm not what Dad wanted, I know that. I'm not what Sam needs. What does that make me, Bobby?"

Bobby wrapped a thick coat around the kid and pondered the question. Dean Winchester was so many thing. Some good, some bad, but he was only human.

"You're Dean Fucking Winchester. Fierce hunter, loyal son, protective older brother, life saver. You're smart and funny and inventive and creative. None of what has transpired lately changes that. Understand?"

The look in Bobby's eyes dared Dean to contradict him. The intensity of the gaze tore at his heart. Bobby would never lie to him about any of this. The older hunter actually thought he was good.

"Yes sit."

"Good, then let's get you inside before you freeze your nipples off. Mine are already half way there."

Once Bobby got his charge deposited on the couch with a mug of hot coffee he settled in beside him and waited. Dean would talk when he felt comfortable, when he realized no one would hassle him for needing to talk.

He didn't have to wait too long. Half way through his coffee, the boy started talking.

"I think I really should talk to Vera. I just don't want Dad to see it as a weakness. I can't afford to seem weak to him. I still don't know why he's here. This is out of character for him. I don't know what to do about it."

Bobby was lost. If John had been half the father he should have been none of them would be in mess now. If Dean really couldn't see that John was here because he loved his sons, they had a long road ahead of them.

"Your Daddy loves you and Sam. More than either of you knows. I know he really hasn't given much reason to believe that but he does. That's why he's here. He realizes how much he messed up with you two and he's trying, in his own way to set it right. Let him."

"I don't know how."

"Well, first you've gotta stop being so damned stubborn. You have to let us in. Let _him_ in. Don't keep everything inside. We're here, always."

Dean turned away, not wanting Bobby to see the tears in his eyes. He had to get this shit under control. He was Dean Winchester and Dean Winchester did not do emotions. The warm calloused hand on the back of his neck said otherwise.

Slowly Dean let Bobby tuck him against his side. God, this was so childish, but it was safe. It was safety and love and affection and it felt good, but feelings and emotions wouldn't find the thing that killed Mom. They wouldn't end the madness that was their life.

"Stop thinking so much, boy. There's no plan or strategy for this."

"Dad won't stay long, and I need to be on the road, hunting. That's what I do."

"You need to deal with all of this. And that's what you're gonna do. So be nice to Vera. She's here to help, son.

"What if I completely lose it? Dad won't accept that."

"He's not the heartless bastard you make him out to be. You know."

"Bobby, I've never known another side of him. This act he's doing now scares me."

"That's part of the problem. We're gonna fix this kiddo, I promise.

Dean let it drop. John Winchester had broken many promises over the years, But Bobby Singer never had.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, here I am, back again with another chapter. Thanks for the reviews and the continued story support. As always, I do not own these fictional characters. I only wish I did, sometimes.**

**Chap. 5**

Sam sat beside his brother and handed over one of the plates he had been holding. Dean took the offering and breathed in the smell of one of Bobby's breakfasts. Homemade biscuits, sausage gravy, ham, eggs, and grits, guaranteed to clog the arteries and cause massive heart failure before Dean or Sam hit 40. But God, it was good! And it was comfort and stability and so Bobby Dean felt his eyes water. Leave it to Bobby to think about one of his favorite breakfasts now.

"Thanks. Smells awesome."

Sam forked a bit of egg and gravy into his mouth and nodded.

"I kept stealing the ham so Bobby kicked me out of the kitchen."

Dean chuckled and forked his own mouthful in. He was hungry and he hadn't even realized. Taking a bit of the grits, Dean tasted several different cheeses, butter, pepper, and salt and was that bacon? Why yes it was! He's have to train twice as much to work off the calories and fat from this, but at the moment, he didn't care.

"Do you remember when we were kids and Bobby would help us make cookies? We always had to make double the dough because we ate at least half of it before we put it in the oven."

Sam grinned at the memories, only now realizing that being with Bobby back then was the only time Dean got to be a kid. Sam was still pissed at Dad for so many things right now. Ripping away Dean's childhood was just one of the things that irked him. As much he hated Dad at the moment, he was grateful for Bobby tenfold for allowing such childish pursuits. The man truly was a Godsend and it was entirely likely he would never know it.

"Do you remember the Christmas leprechauns?"

It was Dean's turn to smile at those memories.

"We lost the Santa and reindeer cookie cutters so we improvised and used the St. Patrick's Day ones. Complete with red and silver sprinkles. I'm sure Santa got a good laugh that year."

Sam remembered lots of things like the cookies they made with Bobby. He recalled being read bedtime stories and tucked in as a child when they stayed with the gruff hunter. He still remembered going to the water park during the summer when the heat reached well into the 90's. He looked back fondly on all the kid things he and Dean were allowed to do here, even if those things got them into trouble. That was part of being kids, he rationalized. Bobby must have thought so also, because he never made a big deal out of any of the stupid things they did. He'd take away privileges, assign chores, or if the situation warranted it he would pull them over his knee and apply the wooden spoon or the hairbrush to their asses. With Bobby, being normal kids seemed so easy.

"You're thinking too much Sam. Finish your breakfast."

Sam dug into his food once again as his brother stood and made his way into the house. This Dean was someone he could stand to see more of, he decided as he finished the scrumptious food on his plate.

Vera sat on the swing waiting for the man of the hour. As she read over her notes, she lost herself in the life the kid had lived. How was he still a functioning member of society? And which stories about him were true? She would just have to ask him when he made his way down. The werewolf incident was of particular interest.

Dean slipped on his running shoes and made his way out the door. He was not looking forward to this conversation. He knew it would bring up bad memories. He also knew that he had to talk about them to release himself of them. He just hoped he could get through the day without completely losing his mind. Sitting down in the swing beside Vera, Dean readied himself for a conversation he never wanted to have.


	6. Chapter 6

So, thanks for the great response to this story. It inspires me to write much more.

Chap.5

"Where do I need to start?"

Vera arranged her recorder and her notes before looking up. Dean was nervous. She doubted there was much in this world that actually frightened the kid, but sitting here, getting ready to talk to her seemed to do just that. Maybe he just didn't let his fear show that often.

"Start wherever you want. We can talk about anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything. Including that werewolf pack you took down all by yourself."

"How do you know about that?"

"People talk Dean. Your dad thinks that little tidbit is all garbage. Is he right?"

Dean chuckled a little as he looked toward the house.

"I told him it was all a bunch of crap. He was looking for the Demon that killed my mother, he didn't need another distraction."

"I knew it was true. Only you could pull that off."

"I honestly didn't think I would make it out of there. I hadn't planned on what would happen if I did actually survive."

"So it was a suicide mission? Suicide by werewolf hunt?"

"Something like that."  
>"What caused that kind of depression?"<p>

"Lots of things. Sam left for college, then my Dad left to hunt solo. It just kind of told me that I wasn't worth their time or energy."

"You never said anything to either of them?"

"You've met them. Is John Winchester the type of man you have a heart to heart with?"

John was certainly changing, that was for sure. For Dean, though, he was most likely the man had been and probably always would be the hard pushy taskmaster.

"No, I guess he doesn't. But he is trying. I know you see that."

"The man in there isn't my Dad. My Dad is not soft on any level. I worry something is wrong."

That statement made her heart hurt. Dean saw his father being nice to him as cause for concern. How sad it must be to live a life like that. Vera wanted to hug him. She wanted to wrap him up and take away all his pain and fear. Someone like Dean Winchester didn't deserve a life filled with tragedy. He deserved so much better. So much more.

"Have you talked to him about that?"

"I have actually. He just said he finally realized what important, whatever that means."

"You can't let yourself believe he's here for you can you?"

"I've never been a priority for him. Why would I be now? I just don't understand!"

The swing shuddered as he jumped up and started pacing. The wheels were turning. He was trying to work out why John Winchester, uber hunter would drop everything just for his son.

"Tell me about Bobby. You seem especially close to him."

Dean stopped pacing long enough to consider his answer. Bobby Singer was amazing. He would forever be Dean's most trusted confidant.

"Bobby was the first person to make me feel like I was worth something. He didn't tell me to man up, he just let me be…whatever I wanted to be at the time."

The smile told her that Bobby Singer was extremely important to Dean. The light was back in his eyes as he talked of Bobby. She would have to let Bobby know what an awesome job he had done with Dean and Sam. He would grumble on about how it was none of his doing that they turned out so well, but in truth it was most likely Bobby Singer that made them the compassionate men they were now.

"You look like you could use a break. Do you want to continue in the morning?"

"I don't want to continue at all, but I wouldn't mind a break. I need to talk to Sam anyway."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. Only Vera is mine. Finally! An update! Hope I still have some readers out there. **

**Chap. 7 **

Dean sat on the counter next to the French toast station Bobby had set up. He watched as the older man dipped the crusty bread into the bowl and placed it on the griddle. The cinnamon and powdered sugar were set aside, just like always. The blueberry syrup was already on the table waiting for them.

Bobby glanced at the kid beside him and smiled. He and Dean had done this very same thing countless times in the past. Bobby could recall many mornings where French toast meant much more than a sweet treat for breakfast. It meant giving Dean his undivided attention for a few minutes. It meant Dean got to be unguarded in the time it took to create the scrumptious concoction. Thinking back Bobby could remember the first such experience with Dean and this particular breakfast. The little boy had been quiet the entire weekend, only talking softly to Sam. Thinking he was the only one up at six am on a Sunday morning, Bobby Singer set about gathering the makings for some French toast, hoping like hell the kids might feel more comfortable after some comfort food.

Hearing tiny feet quietly sneaking down the stairs, Bobby waited until the boy was at the bottom before he spoke.

"Hey, kiddo, want some breakfast? You and Sam like French toast?"

The tiny nod was all that came forth.

"Come on then, hope up here and we'll get started."

Bobby hauled the tiny kid up onto the counter and set about making what would become Bobby's favorite food. It was so much more than the taste that made it so. French toast signified trust and a love so pure it made the older hunter's heart swell just thinking about it.

After dipping the bread and laying it in the pan, Bobby turned to his little helper to find the kid almost in tears.

"Dean, what is it?"

A small sniffle and a barely there shake of the head was all he got at first, then as if finally deciding he could trust the older man, the kid wiped his wet green eyes and sighed.

"My mom used to make French toast for me. She let me sit on the counter just like this. I got to what kind of syrup we had and everything."

It was in that moment, Bobby Singer knew his life had forever been altered over French toast. Grabbing the boy and hugging the small body to his own, Bobby opened the fridge and thanked whatever higher power existed that he'd been to the Farmer's market.

"Well, I've got apples, blueberries, and some strawberries, what'll it be bud?"

Dean listed all the things he loved about the fruits, but in the end the blueberries won out. Making blueberry syrup with the boy proved enlightening. Bobby learned that Sammy liked blueberries, but loved strawberries. He was informed that apple juice was Sammy's favorite drink, while Dean preferred orange or grape juice. He was told that both boys liked cinnamon and powdered sugar on the French toast.

Pulling himself out of the past long enough to take a batch of bread off the griddle, Bobby motioned for Dean to hand him the toppings.

"Bobby do you remember the first time we did this?"

"I was just thinking about that. And about you next session with Vera."

Dean groaned and jumped off the counter to set the table.

"This is so much harder than I thought it would be, Bobby. I feel like I'm letting everybody down, like I'm not strong enough to handle my life and I hate that."

"First off, you haven't let anyone down, boy. Not ever, so you can just get that little notion out of your thick head. B. Sometimes, life kicks you in the balls and you need help getting back up. It happens, son. 3. This isn't supposed to be easy. You have to realize that you have us now. Me, your daddy and even Sam. I know you try to keep the ugliness away from him, but you can't do that anymore. He's an adult, kid. He can handle it."

"What about Dad? He isn't happy about any of this."

"You let me worry about John. He's part of the reason you're in this situation now."

"Bobby please don't say that. He was trying to save people, find the thing that killed Mom."

"I get that, boy. Still, he should have been more involved with you and Sam. Was sacrificing your life worth it to him?"

"He didn't have a choice."

"There is always a choice! Always! See if Sam's up yet. Tell him breakfast will ready in a few."

"What about Dad?"

"He's out in the garage. I'll get him."

Yes, French toast just might be his favorite breakfast food.


	8. Chapter 8

**Back again! Thanks for all the continued interest in this story. **

**Chap. 8**

Vera watched as Dean sipped his coffee, thanking all that was Holy that it wasn't a beer or Jack Daniels this time. Now if she could just get him talking about something significant. Patience, she told herself. Pushing would get them nowhere.

"So, what's today's topic, kid?"

Dean stared out into the salvage yard and sighed. Talking about anything other than hunting and women was extremely uncomfortable, and in his opinion, never to be done. Too bad no one asked his on the matter. Fuck.

"Tell me about the nightmare you had last night. That scared _me_."

"Larry Sway was trying to get to Sam and I couldn't stop him. I just knew I couldn't let him get to Sammy. I begged him to take me instead, but he wouldn't."

Seeing the tears pooling in those brilliant green eyes broke her heart. The monster that was Larry Sway didn't scare Dean near as much as not being able to protect his little brother did. Had that mentality been drilled into him so much that it had become a lifestyle so early on?

"Did Larry ever really touch Sam?"

"No! I would've killed him before he got the chance. Sam was just a kid. He didn't deserve any of that."

"And you did?"

Brushing the wetness from his cheeks, Dean shook his head. She just didn't understand! He needed her _and_ everyone else to understand. This was why he didn't like talking about this shit. It got mixed up and distorted and eventually no one cared about what actually happened.

"I knew I could handle something like that better than Sam could. Dad would have hated me if Sam had been hurt."

"Dean I know you find this almost impossible to believe, but Sam isn't your responsibility. The matter of Sam's safety should never have been place on your shoulders. You know that right?"

Dean sipped his coffee and thought about that for a while. Logically, he knew a small child should never be expected to do such, but at the same time he felt it was all on him to take care of Sammy.

"Dad needed me to take that responsibility. I had to handle it. I didn't mind. He trusted me with Sammy. He didn't trust too many people with him."

"He trusted Larry with him."

"No, he trusted Larry with me, there's a difference."

Vera sat back in the arm chair and tucked her legs under. She was confused now.

"What's the difference?"

"Sammy's more important. He has to be."

"Why?"

"He's Sammy."

Dean had made the declaration with such certainty that she almost couldn't question it. She doubted Sam felt so important. He didn't seem to have the same self-esteem issues that were so deeply rooted in Dean, but he didn't think himself all important either.

"Dean who told you Sam was more important? Your dad?"

"No one. I've just always known it. It just is. It's that simple."

Vera smiled sadly at the kid who was quickly becoming one of her favorite people in the world. Dean was intelligent and witty. He was kind and generous. Dean Winchester was funny and deeper than most people gave him credit for being.

"So, Sam is the golden child? The one that has to be protected at all costs?"

"Duh! I thought we had established that already?"

"So what are you, if Sam is the golden child?"

"Um…nothing. I'm…nothing."

Vera watched as Dean finally understood part of the problem. The realization was painful to see. The defeated look on Dean's young face cracked her heart wide open. She was getting too close to this one, but she just couldn't help herself. Everything about Dean Winchester screamed at her to help him, to ease the pain that had enveloped him since childhood. She had the power to do that and damn it all, she was going to!

"You, Dean Winchester are far from nothing. And one way or another I'm going to make you see that."

"If you say so."

Bobby watched as Dean made his way into the kitchen for a coffee refill. He didn't look at all happy, which told he older hunter that maybe Vera was accomplishing something. Admitting to any perceived weakness had never been easy for Dean. John's impossible expectations had seen to that. Now though, Dean could work through all that mess. John might not like it, but Dean needed this, John Fucking Winchester could just get his panties out of a bunch and deal. It was time to be the daddy he should have been twenty years ago.

Handing Vera a mug, Bobby settled on the couch and got comfortable. Eventually she would have to rant about those damn Winchesters and he would be there to listen. After all, he'd been ranting about them for twenty years.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chap. 9**

**Sorry for the long delay. Both of my jobs have been crazy for the past several months. Now that things are beginning to settle down I can post more. Thanks for the support for my work.**

**ATTN: There is discussion of and a tiny spanking in this chapter. If that isn't your thing, then skip this chapter. **

Hearing the door slam, Bobby Singer bit his tongue. Dean was having a hard enough time trying to sort through the jumbled mess in his head as it was, he didn't need Bobby reprimanding him about a freaking door. Although, that was the…fifth time today? It was getting old fast. Had Dean been younger, Bobby would be using his wooden spoon to explain why such attitude was never tolerated in this house.

Bobby hadn't spanked either of the Winchester boys in years. Not that he wouldn't if he thought they deserved it. He had always told both of them that very same thing. Chuckling, he wondered if they even remembered that.

"What is so funny at the hour? There is no humor at five in the morning. Bobby."

Turning to Vera, Bobby found her pouring a cup of life blood, looking like death warmed over.

"I get that he's angry about being left behind, but it's just a salt and burn two towns over. He slams that door one more time I can't be held responsible for what transpires."

"I was thinking about the last time Dean and I had words over his attitude. My paddle changed his tune real quick. He's not fifteen anymore though."

As they heard another bang upstairs and several loud curses, Bobby made up his mind. This had to stop. Dean was getting himself worked up over nothing. Sam and John were fine. They would be back by noon. What was Dean's real problem here?

Grabbing the door before it slammed shut again, Bobby glared daggers at Dean.

"This door slams one more time and I just might put you over my knee boy. Can the attitude! You're pissed about being left behind, I get it, but Dean, you're not fully recovered yet. Besides, it's just a salt and burn, son."

"What if something happens to Sam? It's my job to protect him!"

"Sam's capable of looking after himself. You made sure of that. Now calm the fuck down. Vera's threatening bodily harm down there."

"Vera can go fuc…"

Dean never got a chance to finish that sentence. Bobby Singer whirled him around and delivered five hard swats to his ass before he could.

** SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT!**

"Finish that sentence and I'll have you cutting a switch, boy. Now stow the attitude!"

Dean rubbed his backside. Bobby hadn't spanked him in years. Even back then, it took some doing to push the older hunter to actually consider it.

"Yes sir."

The tears pooling in those bright green orbs broke his heart. Bobby knew logically that five swats from his hand wouldn't bring about the tears, it was more about the frustration of being left behind on this hunt and having to deal with Larry Sway and so many other issues now. Pulling Dean toward him, Bobby sighed and wrapped his arms around the kid.

"I get it, kiddo, I do, but sometimes, it's ok to let someone else take the hunt. Sometimes, you have to let yourself heal first."

Dean nodded against the flannel clad shoulder under his head. He knew that, he just hated that he wasn't there to protect Sam and Dad. If something to either of them it would be his fault.

"If I'm not there to watch out for them and something happens…"

"It won't be your fault, boy. But, nothing is going to happen. Give Sam and your daddy some credit would you? They're both good at what they do."

Dean nodded again, before he pulled away, wiping his eyes. His ass was still stinging, damn it!

"Bobby you wouldn't really spank me now would you? I mean, I'm grown."

"Keep the attitude up and we'll find out. Or you could just ask Sam when he gets back. I'm sure that's a story he's never told anyone. Come on, I'm fixing breakfast."

Dean was left standing in the bedroom trying to figure out what Bobby meant by ask Sam. Had Sam been on the receiving end of a Bobby Singer ass whooping recently? This was a mystery he had to solve. Of course, it would mean confessing his own ordeal to Sam. He wasn't sure if it was worth it. He would have to think about this some more. Now though, breakfast was in the making. His stomach rumbled. He just hoped Vera hadn't over heard his chat with Bobby. It was hard enough talking to her before. If she heard him getting his ass smacked it would be damn near impossible. No time like the present to find out.


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm baaack! Sorry about the sporadic updates. Two jobs keep me busy. I've been working on a crime novel as well, not sure it's good enough to get published, but I guess we'll find out once it's finished and I submit it. As always, thanks for the support y'all constantly give my stories.**

** Chap. 10**

Sam watched as Dean and John popped the hood on one of Bobby's old clunkers. If they could get it running, Bobby knew a guy willing to pay a hefty price for it. The old guy wanted to restore it to its former glory with his grandson. Sam had no doubts that his dad and Dean could get it going. They were both good with cars. Dean was good with a so many things. Cars, electronics, Latin, even if he wouldn't let Sam tell anyone. Dean could see puzzles where Sam himself couldn't. He could find solutions to them before Sam himself could. Of course, he'd sworn to secrecy about that years ago.

"I see he gets the car bug from John."

Sam slid over on the step to make room for Vera.

"Yeah, since I can remember, Dean's been a car nut."

Vera wanted to probe the youngest Winchester for information. He seemed to be the most open of the three of them. She knew he'd be willing to talk to her, whereas John would take some convincing and several shots of whiskey, and Dean would just clam up entirely.

"I guess he's more like John than I thought."

Sam sipped his beer and grinned. If Vera wanted information, she'd come to the right Winchester.

"He's really not. Dad says he's more like our mother, and Dean says that I'm too much like Dad. I guess that's why we but heads so much."

Vera knew Mary Winchester had died in a fire when Dean was just four years old. He still retained some memories of his mother, whereas Sam would never have them.

"Does Dean ever talk about her?"

"Not often and I don't pry. It's obvious that talking about her or the fire still bothers him. Dad says when I was a baby, Dean used to tell me about her. I don't know why he stopped."

"Did John ever talk about her?

"No. It's just recently that he's started talking about her. I used to ask questions about her, but he never answered them. Dean would sometimes, if Dad wasn't around. He looks so much like her. I think he feels guilty about that."

"About looking like your mother? Why?"

"Bobby said Dad had a really hard time with her death. That was his wife, who wouldn't? But I get the feeling from Bobby and Dean, although Dean will never say anything, that it wasn't easy for Dad to see Dean right after."

"But looking like your mother is something he can't control. Why would he feel guilty about that?"

"Because it hurt Dad. Inadvertently, but it still hurt him. I guess tiny Dean somehow picked up on that. Dean has always taken things on himself, even if they weren't his fault. Anyone who's known him for more than twenty minutes can see that."

Vera thought about everything she knew about Dean Winchester. The kid had issues. Hell, he all kinds of issues; mommy issues, daddy issues, guilt issues, self-esteem issues, control issues, addiction issues. Vera wasn't saying Dean was an addict now, but if he didn't get help dealing with his other issues, he would more than likely turn to the bottle. She had seen part of his coping when she'd first arrived. He'd been drowning himself in liquor hoping to forget. He wasn't as bad now, but she occasionally saw the struggle in his eyes. She was certain the only thing keeping him from completely losing his shit now was Sam. His protective instinct overrode his need to self-medicate.

"Sam, I want to get the three of you and Bobby together for a session soon. Dean needs to know that John won't dismiss this and that you and Bobby won't push him to deal with it. I think I may start having a session just for him and then one with all four of you. He feels alone in this, Sam."

Sam finished his beer and sat the bottle on the porch step in front of him. Truthfully, Sam suspected Dean felt alone in most things. No one had ever taught him that it was alright to ask for help. John Winchester had the same problem.

Sam glanced out into the yard at his family and smiled. John Winchester had asked for help when it counted. Dean was surrounded by the people who loved him when he needed that the most and Vera was here to help with whatever issues came up. Why couldn't the great John Winchester have asked for help when Dean was younger and going through a hell no one should ever experience? Sam would never understand how the man could be so causal where his child was concerned.

"He's trying Sam. He has some guilt too, you have to know that."

Shaking his head, Sam felt his guilt rise up. They had all failed Dean, there was no denying that, but he had tried to help. John had just assumed Dean was fine and could take whatever was dished out.

"He should feel guilty! Dean needed him and he wasn't there."

"I think you and your dad have as many issues as Dean. I'd like to get the two of you to sit down with me before this is all over."

"Good luck getting Dad to go for that."

"John told me he'd do whatever it took to make things better for you and Dean. He knows he fucked up, Sam. He can't make up for that, but he can try to be better now. Let him. He's your father, the only one you're going to get. You guys have already lost you mother, I'm just asking you to make the effort with John."

"That might take some time. I hate what he's done to Dean, but you're right he's still our father and Dean needs him now."

"Dean needs so much right now, Sam. He's more fragile than he lets on. You already know that, though, don't you? I know Bobby sees that. I'm hoping your dad eventually understands that. Dean's tough, he's had to be, but he's human. I think Dean has the most problem with that. He can't let himself be anything even close to vulnerable. We both know why. So does he, he just won't admit that."

Sam laughed and stood up, grabbing his empty beer bottle in the process.

"That's why you're here."

Vera watched him as he entered the house and smiled. Dean had done a wonderful job with him. John should be proud of boys. Dean made sure Sam turned out fine. Now it was time to get Dean to understand that he had a right to be ok too.


End file.
